Never again...

It was one rainy afternoon when I finally entertained the thoughts of you that have overstayed. Mind you, thoughts of you do not just visit me when I am alone. In fact, it stays and has stayed longer than I expected; you stayed and never left.

After countless encounters and several talks, I managed to observe and stare at you earnestly.

Those eyes, those eyes that speak volume. I can notice when your nervous or joyous.

Those lips, those lips that smile genuinely and utter words with full sincerity. I remember how your voice trembles and your cheeks shake when you are about to say something heavy or when you are pressured to say something in front of people you think highly.

Those laughter that I sometimes hear even from afar not because it is loud but because it is the same laughter, I enjoy listening to…until I hear none. Until I no longer enjoy the laughter like I used to. Until the idea of you suddenly became unwanted. Until one day my heart has finally gave in to my mind and made a pact that they won't let you in.

We are not going in the same direction. I have left the thoughts that were right with me all along. I have slowly ignored your whereabouts and decided not to do a U-turn. I decided that there would be no stopovers to places where we used to hang out. I realized that our constant walks led us to where we should be – at the crossroads. The crossroad that I should have taken if I listened and followed myself, but I didn’t. And do you know when I got scared the most? It's when I was talking to a different person, but I compared him with you – ideas, personality, compatibility, weird connection, and right there and then I knew I am screwed. So, never again.

Never again will your name make my heart skips a beat.

Never again will your smile register in my mind for I have finally decided to put everything about you behind.

Never again will I check my phone hoping to read a notification from you.

Never again will I have to think the right words over and over again every time I message you to start a conversation.

Never again will your thoughts cause havoc to my being.

Never again will I check your social media to check your whatnot's only to find out sweet exchanges from some people I am familiar with.

Never again will your personal message excite me.

Never again will I write or fill my notebook with writings about you.

Never again will I care about you for it is enough!

Never again ‘cuz it is enough. I have figured out I have come a long way only to find that I will be in the same crossroad we once stood, but only now I know which direction I will make a turn. So, never again!

I hope not to see you in my next trip of emotions.